A slice

I'm taking a brief moment of clarity, of no momentum in any activity, productive or otherwise, to write briefly where I am at.

I am still doing work - getting involved in more and more projects as my time to leave gets closer and closer. I need to spend at least, say, 30 minutes on Friday on my goals and plans. I need to talk with my program manager about her needs and what I might contribute in the future and present a plan to the business manager.

Slowly teaching myself Computer Science 101. This is me being the me I've always been - choosing to educate myself in something immediately, getting caught up in private projects, rather than taking the steps to get myself involved in programs that would get me recognition, garner connections, etc. It's fun for the moment, though, and other things are changing in my life, and I ought to take them one step at a time.

I am moving to Albuquerque in about 10 days. I am a little uneasy, as no contracts have been signed. However, my new landlord is acting as if I am moving in, so I am assuming that it is 100% a go. I joined in on last Sunday's group work activities, and I'll be heading over to do the same this Sunday. I think I am part of the group. Some part of me, though, will say I'm moved in once I'm actually moved in. Not that I need a definite answer right away, though.

Penelope and I are working out some issues that came up during our week together (which went by so, so quickly). A new issue is coming into mind: I am learning more about my needs as a boyfriend, how to identify them and how to express them. This is frightening, since I did not have these articulated for myself when we first started dating. What if they can't be met? The only way to find out is to be honest about it. I have already mentioned them to Penelope; we'll see where it progresses.

I'm reading a lot of Asimov. I'm on I, Robot at the moment. Less epic than the Foundation books, of course, but still fun.

I'm planning on blogging more. Yes, I always say that. But I'm setting down as a fact that I've been thinking about it more at random, over the course of the day.

I continue to slowly learn about workflow. Yet I'm experiencing a lot of emotional backlash - now that I know what to get done and how to do it, I find I don't want to know what it is. Need to shine a light on that.

I've been practicing Taiko, at a rate of about an hour per week. It's a nice way to spend 60 minutes during this chaotic period. I'll be keeping that up.

And that's it for now. If ever I blog more regularly, I'll go deeper into these types of topics. But for now it's simply helpful to sketch a survey of what I'm doing.

Good night, all.

Settled, Observing, Moving

A lot of things going on, but I'm doing very little.

I've chosen a new place to live. It's superb. I was thinking of not staying in New Mexico, flying off to Montreal for a few months and covering myself in the monkish robes of seclusion.

But, really, is that what I need to be doing right now?

I talked about it at length with Penelope - and she was supportive, but very conflicted. She assured me that she would be most comfortable if I did what I need to do, rather than not, but that it she would be most comfortable if doing what I need to do is staying near her for longer. We were not considering breaking up, just me being away for a while. Something I've done before - something that has worked but has had mixed results. What's different now, practically, is that I'd be focusing on something very specific: my future computer science degree, what schools I might want to apply to and how to take the first steps in that direction.

Emotionally, it's the same. It's rough for her and for me. We survived a month apart when I was in Peru; and it went well. I don't want to overdo it.

Anyway, I'll be living in a brilliant place. I almost can't believe that such a place exists: a completely self-contained, independent apartment in a sustainable farming community, where the rent is $535 a month and 4 hours of work per week. Of course, this price includes a share of the food produced.

I will be writing more about this. This is the lifestyle I want to blog about, anyway. But, wow. Simply amazing. I'll be heading back tomorrow or Wednesday to meet more of the other people in the community than I was able to meet yesterday. This is definitely a reason to stay in the area.

I'll be blogging more regularly now for sure, or at least once I have moved in to my new apartment, new lifestyle, new life.

Good night, all.

Yes, here I am

Almost didn't blog tonight, but then I remembered I want to blog more.

So here's what's on the mind tonight:

What I did today.

Meditated, read a little bit from my current running book, took out the recycling,
went for a walk, had breakfast.

Went to work, worked, worked, worked.

Felt that my coworkers were being insensitive about straight men, but didn't say anything. More noting this as an incident of me not expressing myself than making a complaint.

Went to the library, checked out Foundation's Edge and I, Robot, as I am on an Asimov binge right now.

Got a radiator flush. There had been crap floating in my coolant refill tank. Gross.

Had dinner, consisting of salad, cheesy toast and stewed green peas, of which I made maybe 2 gallons last week and have been eating one scoop at a time at every meal.

Looked for places. Got a little discouraged at my options. Nonetheless wrote 3 e-mails, left one message and set up one visit for tomorrow. I have two scheduled so far.

Coded for an hour; Python Programming, Chapter 7, exercises 9 - 13. They mostly had to do with dates and calendars. Like calculating Easter for a given year. That kind of thing. In terms of computing skills, pretty basic, even for me, but it was good practice.

Blogging!

I'll be watching some Star Trek, reading, and then going to sleep.

I feel somewhat calm tonight, after feeling overwhelmed during work and when I got home. If I can ground myself, do something to clear my mind, I usually end up okay. I am making decent, steady progress in a thick, thick fog right now.

Good night, all.

For the Sake of Blogging

My 200th post is pretty mundane.

I feel weird today, so I'm blogging just for the sake of blogging, because I have nothing else to do, and I haven't blogged in a while.

Penelope left around 9:30 this morning, and, after meditating, I had a long breakfast, then cleaned up the kitchen a little. I've been going through all of my belongings, and it was time to finally organize my kitchen closet, the one I've had for over a year now and only today did I even think about organizing it. The shelves are a little too deep, so each shelf is a flood of barely navigable piles. I helped that a little bit. It'll be nice for about 3 weeks, when I move away.

After a little more cleaning, I went over my notes after from my conversation with Carl yesterday, a conversation about programming and computer science. The notes were mainly references to books and websites, and I organized them, putting them in places I'll easily find them again.

Next I searched online for a new tenugui and a new mouse. I found good hits for both. I'll be ordering a set of three new tenuguis pretty soon, once I review my Paypal info. As for the mouse - I find it kind of urgent, and I might just stop by CVS and/or Radio Shack and get something tolerable. Should have done this shopping back before I destroyed the mouse that is now sitting in my garbage can, but oh well. Coulda, shoulda, didna.

Now I'm going running.

By the way, some current plans:
1. Move to Albuquerque.
2. Live in Albuquerque for as long as it takes to apply to grad school in Canada.
3. Live and study in Canada, until I'm satisfied with my higher education.
4. Become self-employed and move somewhere else in the world. I'm thinking Scandinavia. I say Iceland, Penelope (who is interested in leaving the U.S. also) says Finland. I think somewhere in the middle would be okay, too.
5. Success and happiness in a post-American world.

Pretty simple. Also:

1. Write a Pattern Language for study of the self and healing of the soul.
2. Create a series of video games I've planned.
3. Master the violin.
4. Maybe write fiction? Maybe this is the real thing I need to be doing?
5. Figure myself out.

I'm going running now. Happy labor day, all!