Another quick check-in

It has been a long time, but I want to add a little bit of life into this blog at least a couple times before my big trip.

What am I working on now?

I've just bought a bunch of supplies. A lot in the pharmaceutical department. Figuring out exactly what vaccines are necessary has been a difficult process. From my perspective, it appears that everyone who has given me advice has been either too cautious or too careless. What's the proper middle ground? Knowledge that combines an understanding of the risks of infection with an experiential knowledge of the area and how people get along there. I only seem to get one at a time. I'd like to document what I discover, once I'm back, to help future travelers deal with this issue.

I am still working on Couchsurfing plans. I'm having strange luck with Lima - considering the sheer volume of denials I've been getting with a line at the end to the effect of "There are lots of couchsurfers in Lima - someone can host you." I might need to just book a hostel; won't be too terrible.

Workflowy continues to be the blessing that it is.

I don't have the energy or time right now to get into my general state of feeling the past couple weeks. It's been good, is all I can say. I've had a few highnotes - two Mondays ago was fantastic. So was this past Wednesday. Combined with a lot of good changes in my life, a great girlfriend, and this upcoming adventure. More to follow.

Have a great night, all.

Spirals of tension

Tensions unroll themselves today. I feel emotionally placid, free, open this morning, but physically taut.

I'm putting the final touches on my laptop before I let it go - it's just taking the time required to learn how to use Ubuntu and get my missing 'r' key accommodated for. Not an easy task - I shouldn't have expected it to be too easy.

I go to bed with an extremely sore neck. I have a dry mouth, but that can be easily remedied.

I have outgrown my current diet, and I need to look to either look for something else or polish the pattern a little bit more. I stopped the search for a decent protein powder - though I must admit that it was a central component to the whole process. I just felt so much more lean, cleaner and trimmer when I had that protein jolt in the morning.

Threads remain to combine; they will sit in loose ends as I sink into my evening rest.

Good night, all.

New Toy

With the help of my friend Storm, I've been introduced to a new organizational toy: Workflowy.

The design is beautiful. It provides a good reference point for what I've been working on in terms of productivity. As the name suggests, the physical and logical elements of the design give it a good feeling of flow. I like it better than Evernote because of this. It really does "sync" with my brain much better. Will it really be useful? Time will tell.

As someone who practices Zen might learn to expect, any sense of progress I have these days does not come from accomplishing goals with more flourish and elan, but rather from better observation and a more ubiquitous feeling of quiet and repose in everything I do. For example, I went running today, and it was probably the best run I've ever had. I'm sure there were lots of physical factors, such as the time of day, exactly what I had eaten, the clothes I was wearing, etc., that influenced how I felt, but, from another perspective, it's just time for me to start enjoying running more.

As for who I am, I feel incrementally more satisfied with that. I do feel a bit of grief this evening do to a communication mishap with Penelope; I think it will probably be okay, but I am torn up over it. It's something that has happened before: my text message inbox got too full, and I missed a bunch of text messages. What happened this time, was that I missed a number of invitations to get back together with her after an unusually short weekend. I didn't read them until it was way too late.

This would be a good situation to sit with my feelings, which I'll do in a moment. I feel some guilt, as usual, but this would be a good opportunity to let go of the guilt feelings in an effort to open up to something larger. I do not only feel guilt. I really am upset at the fact that we missed this chance to be together again - I mourn it. It would have been a good time. I don't have to regret what I did; just sit with that feeling of loss. It can be bitter and sweet.

Good night, all.

Still uncoiling

I continue to focus on how I spend my time; what underlying beliefs I have that make me choose one activity over another; how different activities have different influences; that is, maybe one thing leads to another. How "time wasting" activities tend to enforce more; how doing things like cleaning or focused relaxing opens me up more.

This is all a good process. Not quite as instantaneous, "pull myself up by my own bootstraps" as the childish expectation to be completely in control would have it. But the slow and effective process of observing, asking myself questions, keeping myself on my toes, learning to allow feelings to take up the space that they need to produce a fertile hour, day, week.

Little work this evening; but, then again, I never really wanted to use these evenings for being productive. I need to honor that decision I made a while back and not keep trying to fill up the time with activities. Certainly not burden myself with the notion that I should be doing something I don't really need to do right now.

What I need to focus on more is getting proper rest. At this point, at this hour, I can only hope that I will get enough rest for tomorrow, which promises to be another long, full day. In a good way.

Good night, all.

Just the facts

I'm still working on a budget for the trip - I'm pretty close to finished, and it looks like I don't have much to worry about. Plans are settled for the Salkantay trek after all - any doubts I had have been allayed - and it's time to look at Cusco accommodation.

Spanish and Quechua study have gone by the wayside this week, for some reason. Lack of free time in the evenings is a big culprit.

I've been a little ill this week; I feel a little sick even now, stomach complaint (rumbly and unstable) combined with a little bit of a sinus headache and an over-mucusy throat. I've shaken off worse things, but who knows? It could develop. I'm going to make sure I get enough water and then turn in on time (in 6 minutes).

I'm working on all these immediate things, but what about my future? I'd like to at least get through all the career information packets that Sam gave me before the end of the month. Then I'll have a month of travel to gain some good perspective on my life. That's largely what it's good for, right?

Good night, all.

Uncoiled

Faced with the prospect of so much work undone, so much to do. For my trip, for my future, with my computer, with my bedroom, with my car, with my money, with my accordion, with Spanish, with an endless list of activities, properties and projects;

Faced with the knowledge that whatever I mean when I talk of myself, in the conventional, ego-based way, I am here only temporarily, only once;

Faced with the endless possibilities of love and openness, of a deep, stark potential to grow and understand;

I am happy with the knowledge that I can get to bed earlier than normal and spend some time reading.

--

I've had a wonderful weekend. No huge bursts of change or productivity. Just subtle and powerful influences from beautiful places and people.

Red Canyon Reserve has always caught my eye, but now I am positive it is one of my favorite places in the whole world. What would it take for me to hang out there more? The next workshop is October 8 - 10. Will I sign up?

I am resting quietly tonight. There has been a frustrating development in my Peru plans; I don't want to write about it until I get more information. It's not anything tragic, but it does force me to slow things down when I have little time in which to plan. More later.

My biggest focus right now is on my budget. Slowly I've been figuring out what I want to do with myself; at the same time, I'm learning Mint. It's a slow process. Hopefully I'll have about an hour tomorrow morning to work on it. We'll see.

Finally, Penelope recommends that I learn to indulge myself a little more, in more nurturing ways than I have in the past. At the same time, I'm trying to wean myself off of unnecessary mind-numbing activities. I would like to find a kind of pleasure that I have been ignoring - the pleasure of slowness and anticipation and just being somewhere. It will be quite a job, carving out room for that kind of pleasure in an already crowded interior space. But I am slowly equipping myself for the job.

Good night, all.