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I am back in Santa Fe. Not only am I reeling from my trip on the other side of the world, in a new continent, a new hemisphere, but the world I have returned to seems suddenly different, almost as if I had time-travelled and inalterably changed history.

My apartment is different, my room is different, the Shelter is different. I have a new job. I will have to move again - not sure exactly when. My work schedule is different. The sky is different. The air is different.

And here I am, doubtless as different to the world as it is to me.

I look at this as a gift; a chance to realign, adjust and transform my life. It is just about a year since my life changed, parting with Alexa, starting my new job, finding this apartment. And now it's all going to change again. Strange.

I am not a whole-sale customer of astrology, but I do find it interesting that this happens after experiencing my second winter solstice this year. What does that mean, astrologically? I have no idea. Though it definitely feels like the end of a year, rather than its zenith.

I couldn't possibly describe everything that is going on right now in general. I'll just string a few facts together.

I've been feeling ill off and on since Saturday, my last full day in Cusco, and today, at work, my ear began to feel really inflamed. I think I have an infection. I left work early to get some relaxation in, and I feel a bit better after some napping, some Emergen-C and some calm internet dickering.

I'm going to spend the next 2 hours doing some gentle house cleaning and looking at my car. Mary forgot to check the battery, so I have good reason to expect it to be dead. We'll see.

I feel ready for changes. When I met Runa on Monday night, I told her that maybe what all the setbacks in my trip to Peru had taught me is that I am, in fact, ready to be me. Everything that backfired on me was, in the beginning, a compromise. An acceptance of something I didn't really want.

Runa asserts that nobody can afford to hide themselves right now; the world needs everyone to provide what they can. I agree, adding that hiding is impossible. There is nowhere to hide. That I am hiding is a delusion, a way of making myself feel secure.

What I mean is that what is inside me affects everyone. If I am not providing it, then I am doing them a disservice. It won't go unnoticed. I can't just slip away and be a cipher. It's impossible. If I am not offering myself, no matter how kindly and politely I conduct myself, I am cheating people. If I don't get the healing I need, I will be toxic to myself and others. It needs to happen. I can't delay. I can't slip into anesthesia, which is not a positive pleasure of something substantial, as much as it is a rejection of opening myself up.

Good words. But can I walk this path? What are the pitfalls? What makes me delay, avoid, withdraw? Adelante.