Last Watch

I'm a little bit wakeful right now. Actually, a little less wakeful than when I decided to get the computer out. But I have a little to say.

This morning I decided I was going to wait no longer. There are a million things I'm interested in. I want to narrow it down just the tiniest bit. Just the most minimal diminution from endless possibilities to at least a couple vague areas of focus. Practically speaking, this means I am fed up with putting off practicing languages and music. From now on, these things are going to be part of my life. I'm going to consider it part of my health. Engaging in these activities are now considered medicine to me, and I will only forgo them knowing that I am diminishing myself.

Practically speaking, this meant playing violin - relatively in earnest - and starting to review the Chinese I know. I will know I'm for real once I have reached and surpassed my last highest point of fluency in both of these. For violin, this means fully finishing Suzuki Book 6. For Chinese, this means finishing Chapter 22 of my text book. I think I can do this.

And, if I happen to slip with either of these things, I have alternative areas of focus. For music, I can play the accordion. For language, I can focus on Latin.

I thought for a while that I ought to focus on Spanish, because it's the most useful foreign language for me to know and the foreign language I am most proficient in. But I ultimately decided not to because 1. I naturally learn a little bit every week, due to work necessities 2. It has not captured my heart like these other languages. I settled on Chinese as my first choice because it has the best balance of personal interest and practicality. Latin is not imminently practical, but it is my favorite foreign language, and it gets me to a good place when I practice it.

Now, beyond these areas of focus, there is more.

First, most simply, is another discipline that will be forthcoming. Creative writing. I need to get into it, live it, begin working in earnest again.

Second, a deeper spiritual and psychological healing. I will be looking into places to dive into this farther than I have been. In many ways, studying language and art is furnishing myself with tools for understanding myself better. These are important accoutrements to the fuller life I wish I was living.

Abby and I agree that, somehow, visiting Machu Picchu has helped us to regain a certain focus in our lives - a slight dropping off in interest in what has been non-essential for us. Mystical power, coincidence, placebo effect - whatever - it's going, and let's see where it goes.

Good night, all.