I'm back - but to what extent?

Ok, here I am again.

I have plenty to talk about. Plenty, plenty. Emotionally, autobiographically, philosophically.

But I'm just focusing on putting words into the blog right now. So I'm going to talk about one (relatively) easy topic right now.

I'm feeling more and more that life is short and I just need to devote myself to music. Santa Fe University (formerly College of Santa Fe) has a fine program; I just never really bothered to investigate. I will need to provide 15 minutes of audition, as well as a small portfolio. I also have no idea about the finances - I should probably just schedule a meeting with the admissions department and get solid information about the process.

This was largely inspired by my introduction and visit with my new Icelandic friend, Uni. I want to set down here that I first heard Uni on KSFR back in April. Of course this wasn't the first time I thought of going to Iceland, but I am positive that hearing that radio show had a significant influence in putting it in the forefront of my mind this year. And there I was, 7 months later, staying in her house.

[Takes a long break that begins with a walk outside, then moves to recharging my car battery, doing yoga, listening to an archived version of the KSFR interview mentioned above, dinner, Google Reader time, random & wasteful web surfing, zazen and an hour-long phone conversation with Runa.]

Uni studied at the College of Santa Fe (that's what I'm going to call it) for 3 years, and she says that the program helped her to find her own voice and helped her tremendously to be able to compose pieces of her own. I guess it never rang any bells for me, just because it's called a "Contemporary Music Program," and I always assumed I would study classical music. Why? Why bother with the distinction? It's clear to me now that all I could ever compose is contemporary music. Classical music is wonderful and really inspiring; and I could easily have dived deeper into it, if I had chosen to. It's just that I didn't choose to, and, if I think about it, the vast majority of my life as a musician has not been in classical music. So why stick to that pigeonhole?

Anyway, the idea of being a musician seems daunting. I'm 28 now. Could it legitimately be too late for me to have finally decided, this is what I'm going to do? I can only stumble along on my chosen instruments at this point. How good can I actually get, even granted my natural ability to play instruments? I have no idea.

I fixed my accordion today. It still needs work, but I can at least play it again. I will be looking into fixing my violin and re-hairing my bow if I happen to have time this week - otherwise, next week.

I think the next step is finding people to play with. Something no pressure. I looked briefly at the Musicians board on craigslist, and the first thing that caught my eye was a band that was looking for violinists (EvaRusnik). It's actually great music; I listened to them on myspace. Really great; the kind of stuff I'd like to be involved in. But I just don't think I'm good enough. I noticed they played once with a violinist whom I have actually seen perform a few times in Santa Fe; she is considerably better than I am. So, yes, this is why I'm looking for a no pressure, intimate jamming group to start out with.

The next step would be finding a good teacher. I would only really be able to afford lessons on one instrument, so I'd need to choose carefully. Accordion I'll continue messing with on my own; so it would be a choice between violin and piano. As for piano, I would need to set up a piano I can play on - both Temple Beth Shalom and Center for Spiritual Living have at least heard my request, but I would need to follow up with them if there were to be an actual arrangement. Yeah, so there's a lot to do there.

What will this turn into? I don't know. But I do know that the only way to lose out is if I fall asleep again and forget the whole idea. I need to play music. Maybe I won't be able to do it this way or that way, but I need to do it, and I can make time and space for me to do it in.

So much more to talk about, but I can't. Welcome to the tip of the iceberg.

Good night.