Back on the bed

That is, as opposed to being on my desk.

Before I can be a homesteader of any kind, before I can get these materials in order, I need to know who I am, know what is in my heart. This is the most important task that I or anyone else could do right now. And it is so, so excruciatingly difficult. If you feel you know what is in your heart, I ask you to check again.

This is the duty of everyone right now. I'm feeling a little global right now, having read about Japan and the conflict in India. Who are we and what do we have in this life and how do we feel about it - investigating this is the most important thing anyone could do to help the general state of suffering in the world. Saying we need to act more compassionately I think is even a little too abstract, a little too far ahead. We don't know what compassion is, and we don't know who is being compassionate or who we are being compassionate to. Saying we need to act in a certain way is not getting to the root of the issue.

Some people have an instinct to act; and I say, if you can truly act without thinking, then go ahead. You're probably not reading this. But if you are caught in that place of thought, of ethical decision, of doubt, you cannot put the toothpaste back in the tube. You cannot simply judge that egoless action is a good thing and then right away do it. You have to see for yourself what action really is, once you've gone down that path of thought.

It's gotten to a point where perhaps I don't even believe that I have ever seen egoless action. Compassion that arises like a hand reaching in the night to adjust a pillow, to use a zen phrase.

I need to sign off now. But I want to leave a message to a lot of people who are concerned about the world right now. To all the activists, the people who dream of better times; who want things to just work better; who want the world to be more humane; to all the idealists and creative thinkers; the new-age folks; the new economists; permaculturists and guerilla gardeners; to my favorites, the modern/eco/green/urban homesteaders; all the channelers and religious samplers; mayan calendar readers; angel listeners; tarot flippers: Keep looking for the truth. We cannot afford to think that we know anything. We need to touch real, deep knowledge, and we need to do so now. We need to speak with our hearts, not wax words about modern economies and reincarnation. We need to dig deeper and deeper and never stop. We need to equally rush forward to find a new idea, a new horizon and also to mercilessly cut everything down. Build and rebuild and build again until something subtly takes form not in the bricks you lay and then smash down, but in the dust under your feet.

We need to touch the earth before we can save it.

Good night, all.