A Next Step

So I've been trying to clean out "stale" energy lately by cleaning and reorganizing all my objects, as well as by getting to old projects that have been sitting around for a long time. It's a lot of work, but it has paid off. Last week I felt tremendous energy as I cleaned my office at work and my closet at home. I've got so much more to do, but it's fun work. I guess I felt a little burned out yesterday and on Sunday, but it's back in full swing.

The only problem is that I feel like that I've freed up so much space, it's getting filled in with a rush of activity. At work, at least. I met with client after client today. Nothing was terribly frustrating - just the idea of how much I had to do, I guess. But each individual task was fine, worked well. I did not become too angry, though I had to tell maybe a half-dozen people to wait for me, because I was busy. It's a bit overwhelming, but it's also a good, energizing feeling. If only I relax well enough, I'll be fine.

In thinking about how my days go, I'm noticing I'm a little frustrated with all these evening tasks I have. Not that this is bad, but something's unbalanced about it. Night time is not exactly time to be productive, or restlessly wanting entertainment. I need to avoid those two extremes. Relaxed, healthy play is where I need to go. Some sort of sandbox creativity would be good.

I'm thinking about this blog, too. My motivation has shifted a little bit. Not really on the surface, and by surface I mean my stated intentions and my normal practice of writing. Something deep has shifted - I don't need to write here the way I used to. Or maybe I'm not writing what I really need to be writing - my needs are maybe what have changed.

Or I've strayed. I'm being much less particular about things. Mostly that's because a lot of my attention has shifted to Penelope, these days, and I decided I didn't want to gossip about my relationship too much. (I'm still happy to talk in person - in fact, it would be easy to get me to gush, if for some reason that's what you want me to do.)

Zen continues.

Radical Honesty has fallen apart, but I'm taking the task to heart - the two sessions I went to were helpful for sure.

I continue with the Four Hour Body diet, though it seems to be going for about 4 days a week, rather than 6. I've gotten into a cycle of mainly eating salad, lentils and low-fat cured meats (that is, various forms of turkey sausage), and I've been sticking with getting 30g of protein first thing in the morning, though I've switched from soy to egg white protein. Egg white protein is more foamy and less sludgy; less sweet and more salty and sour. It sits in my stomach much better, though, and I think it's way more effective. My appetite and sugar cravings have gone way, way down the past 2 days (since I started with the egg whites). This 30g of protein tip was a nice little bit of bodyshaping knowledge that certainly seems to have paid off for me.

This is about 15 minutes. It's time to sit and then to sleep.

I want to note, in the minute I have, that I had another excellent session with Sam. It wasn't so much Freudianly epiphanic as very focused and therefore very helpful. It's time, we said, for me to feel at home with myself. How do I do that? By feeling at home with myself. It's a simple equation. I might have to do complicated things around it, but setting an intention for myself, a point of focus around which any sort of task can orbit, is the real activity of change. And so I will try.

Good night, all.