What I am feeling right now: stupid giddiness over figuring something out, coupled with extreme curiosity, mixed with a little shame, wondering if I was maybe too slow? This one's just going to have to be vague. I am feeling really ashamed at how interesting this is to me and how little I can think about anything else at the moment; although it makes a lot of sense why it would be this way.
Crap! I feel like the fact that this is a blog really limits what I can disclose. What I am feeling, ultimately, is a need to talk to somebody. There are other things that went on, too, that I would want to talk about, if I felt comfortable anymore talking about other people so freely on here. But I don't think I can. I guess the earlier era of this blog is now past; it has become something else. I have learned a lot about gossip and confidentiality - I hope the world of the internet might gain from the development I've gone through.
My only hope is that this carefulness about other people's lives is not a cop out; that is, is not another form of my need to hide the emotional content of my life.
Currently I am taught that feelings are something very physical and very personal. If I am talking about other people, to an extent I am making abstractions and avoiding the true, gut feelings, no matter how raw and honest my words are. Gut feelings are in the gut.
And my gut was just fluttering earlier from excitement. My gut was fluttering. My gut is alive and feeling, and so am I.
Good night, all.
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