Ch'aska

I went with Ch'aska Tours. They were cheaper than llamapath; the reviews on the internet decent enough, and the e-mail contact, Miguel, was just as helpful as Renzo. In fact, in the middle of a quick back-and-forth e-mail exchange, Miguel called me all the way from Peru, and we talked about my plans. That pretty much sealed the deal. So my deposit is sent. On to other things.

I've spent most of this evening de-stressing from a rough day. It's gone well; I played a lot of music, and I've been wearing my samue - the most comfortable set of clothing I own.

What I've learned from today is how important it is to really focus on why I do what I do. When things get stressful, you need to have that strong foundation. I did not do terribly; I just felt that weak link in myself, that was not entirely thought out, and I felt like I was removing myself from what was going on more than was necessary. This is a common tactic I end up using to deal with anxiety; just good for me to observe it.

Maria once again criticized my timidity, my inability to speak my opinion. I think she's correct. I feel that, yes, I hold back more than I ought to. What I need to remember when taking this criticism, however, is that I am by nature more of a listener than a talker and that the point is that needs to be balanced out. Not that who I am is wholly unacceptable. I do have a tendency to take all criticisms right to heart. And you know what? American society does not understand listening or support it very well, so the value of the way I do things is particularly obscured. But now that I've griped about the circumstances, I'm going to come away with this feeling like I need to make my voice heard.

However that can happen.

Good night, all.