Quick Reflections

I made it to my scheduled time for myself.

Very fruitful centering activity. I sat on my couch with my notebook and just wrote. I paused and thought a lot; it wasn't one of those stream-of-consciousness exercises.

I have the feeling I have been doing somewhat well learning how to be more active; how to work and function better; but I need to continue making my way to the core of me. I need to spend time on this. It is essential; it's really the only work for me. I want to know who I am. The other stuff cannot really flow unless I do this other work.

I need to open more. I have made huge strides in understanding myself, but I need to take further steps. This mania of accomplishing things is demonstration of a lack of balance. I have been suspicious of this, but now I feel I am ready to start doing the work.

I have a few leads as to where to start. Look at it from a perspective of holding in pain. First, notice that I experience pain. Second, notice how I react to it. I can then begin noticing how the reactions produce actions, thoughts, feelings.

I can ask myself the question: can I feel different? Am I moving somewhere else? Are my current patterns worthwhile, or do I need to change them? I could really benefit with a review of what is valuable to me; what I need to secure for myself.

Yoga would be great. It's something I don't have a tight grasp on; it slips away.

I could also look at a variety of therapies, including modern and traditional means. I could give the Soilless Gardens technique that Any talks about so much a decent chance. There are many choices.

I have been blessed the past few days with particularly still and clear meditation. I cannot expect it to last forever, but it seems new; it seems like a consistent development. This is good; this helps me continue, to do feel like I am gaining good perspective and the practice is worthwhile.