Arkanoid

Dear Purpurea,

I am tired and a little sick this evening. Also, it is very late. It is no excuse not to write anything at all, but it is an excuse to write very little.

The Tyger did not burn very bright. I was efficient today - very efficient in the morning, but then it all kind of petered out in the afternoon. I had a pretty spontaneous couchsurfing encounter in the evening, which was nice, but I am left with the memory of not having dealt with very much today.

I have tried to think about what it means to desire something. I reflected a little bit on desire and relationships, most recently with Penelope. My relationships have failed through my lack of desire on one level or another. On the surface and in the depths. Both are important. I am attentive and aware and can be energetic in a way that many are not - but, come the evening, come the time for intimacy, I am not present. I slink away. The wall was too strong, or the fire not bright enough. I don't know. I've never understood it.

Something burns bright enough in me when I am alone, when I am at a distance. Why is it - or why does it appear to be extinguished once I get close?

Tough questions, Purpurea.

I'm going to bed. If we can counsel in my dreams, let's.

Affectionately yours,
Peliens.