Extro

Yes, so my life has taken a turn for the less introverted. I am in a relationship again; and I will be working full-time once again. Actually, it has been almost four years since I last worked a 40-hour workweek - it's something I apparently don't usually do.

But it feels just about right for now. I have no idea how I will be fitting in all my extra projects. Some are staying strong, others are approaching and receding, as they always have been. Programming, in general, seems here to stay as a learning path for me. I don't know about the specifics though. My guess is that I will be focusing on whatever actual class I happen to be taking a the time, and my self-study will move into the background. So it goes.

Farming / gardening will be staying around due to the fact that I am working with other people and making plans. I am fine with that. I can do a lot of work, if it is all planned out and communicating. If I know that others are involved, and it is a project that is cared about, that is interested. It's the arbitrary projects that are brought up in a flash and just as easily dropped - these I have trouble sticking with.

Clearly, "other people" is a significant factor in how my life functions. Seems obvious - but so easy to ignore.

I still do not know how to juggle my other creative enterprises. At the moment, I feel that I can only do what I have always done: dive headfirst into whatever is interesting me and challenging me at the moment, and work through that the best I can. That this has never resulted in mastery of anything or a long term commitment - them's the breaks. It is then not in me to do so. Yes, I am a fatalist.

Life consists only of what I can discover. To rest my hopes in something I have not found yet seems to be folly.

I just happen to believe there is a lot to discover by not doing very much. That is my character. I see a lot of value in it (that is, in studying all the mundane details of the mind and the way I channel my experience into a sense of self). Others don't. I believe I gain a lot of insight into life from this perspective. The problem (if you can say there is a problem) is that I hardly step away from this process to actually do anything with it. I am inclined to just say: so it goes. It would be nice to change, but I don't see how that is possible at the moment. I cannot do that, with my present personality. Reconstructing personalities is a difficult thing. Maybe I'll figure it out at some point.

I guess, then, that I can't ever really stop being introverted. The microscope is always loaded with the slide of my self...

Dream well, all...