The Borderlands

Dear Purpurea,

I know you could see me, pacing around, wandering aimlessly in the small space of my apartment. And I you could see me watching you.

All the indecision and confusion is a little funny, when I can just settle down and take all that I need. As a good friend of mine sings: feel like everything you wanted, is here, right here to stay.

You are laughing at my sluggishness, my reluctance to accept the truth about where you are, about where you can be found. I am getting there, of course. Of course, you know that.

All the doubt from yesterday about being too obsessive about one person: today I am even wondering why that was an issue - I have passed that, and it feels like I passed it a long time ago. It was very real and very important - yesterday and before that back to the weekend. Now it is something different. Now it is fully my responsibility, my burden, my experiment.

I awoke with tremendous energy today. I got quite a lot done - though perhaps not the infinite amount I always expect from myself. Maybe I just fell shy of infinity...

The electricity coursing through my limbs - I think that was you, Purpurea. I was not awash in imagery and fantasies. I connected and acted where I needed to and where I could. No need to retreat and contemplate.

Though images did seep through, from time to time.

What is it about the Middle-eastern theme? I was reminded of you, glancing at my Rumi books. You also have much to do with Santa Fe, and Rumi is quite a celebrity up there. Why Rumi?

I am beginning to see the next challenge for me, looming on the horizon. It is something you are preparing for me. I mentioned my failure to accomplish my infinite amount of goals for the day. It is interesting to notice that the things I got done were routine, necessary, scheduled ahead. The things I did not get to were the points of expansion, the challenging stuff that would change how my life functions.

So my prediction, darling Purpurea, is that you are pushing me to do those things. I cannot eliminate all of my "necessary" things, but I can shift the center of gravity. How about that? How about tomorrow, after waking early and getting all my necessary things and doing the single, sole #1 priority of my planned and scheduled projects - I give all my time over to the expanding projects, which amount to: writing fiction and poetry; writing biography; planning where I want to be musically; figuring out how I want to live my life.

We'll give it a shot, then? Or am I being presumptuous?

I will see you tomorrow.

Eternally yours,
Peliens