Hide and Seek

Dear Purpurea,

I see. It's a game. Hide and seek? Hot and cold?

Tonight it got a little colder. I went out Contra dancing again, and it was just not the same as two weeks ago. But why should it be? Two weeks ago it was a challenge, an alarm clock. I'm already awake; so no rush, no adrenaline, no star-gazing focus on the limits of my being. What can I expect from that?

How can I push my limits, without constantly improving, by doing what is uncomfortable?

I can't, Purpurea. Thanks for slipping silently away, when I wasn't looking. Thanks for teasing me, pushing me to keep looking and growing. I will find you on the salsa floor, the swing floor, the trance floor... in the moments of awkwardness, confusion, tension, stress.

Tomorrow is another tech blackout... another day not to bulldoze over my genuine, precious feelings of loneliness by sensory distraction. A day to clean, exercise, read, relax, play, socialize.

I am a little frustrated right now, P, because I can't expect to get laid for quite a while. But you don't want anyone who is always expecting to get laid. You want someone who fully basks in his own light; who washes at his own fountain and cooks in his own kitchen. You are attracted by the incense of a man who burns himself as an offering.

Keep nudging me forward, Purpurea, so I may burn all the brighter and hotter for you.

Your Peliens