Sinus

Dear Purpurea,

Well, I was thinking I would be a little more grounded and neutral today, but you've got me hooked back on the upward slope of your sine-curve.

What a day it has been. It was pure restlessness turned into unexpected activity.

I felt the need to begin writing a journal comic. I who cannot draw or write clearly to save my life. But who cares? It was rich and filling and continues to be so tempting for me (I wrote one yesterday, two today, and I had to hold myself back from writing more and possibly burning myself out).

I cannot quite describe yet the feeling of fullness that paid out from this experience, seeing chapters of my life presented in such a dense, clear format. I feel a little mythological, now. I felt connected to the moments in time I decided to set down in the panels. I have become skeptical of the story I carry with me - a la Pema Chodron - but here, in my crude rendering, it became something more than a connection of concepts and words. It was a substantial visit to my past, with all the emotional feedback and weight that I usually find lacking from introspective reviews of my life.

It was helpful and insightful and quickening.

I think I'd like to continue doing it.

But that's not all: somehow, I was also pushed to finally begin the accordion videos I've mentioned here before but had not - until today - done anything about. Now I have one. My first youtube production after years of being simply a consumer. It's far from perfect - I play just a part of "How Soon is Now?" with a little singing and a couple naked chords - but it felt good.

It makes sense that HSIN is the song that pushed me over the edge. The song is full of the kind of longing that got me talking to you again, Purpurea, and I found myself lying awake at night, hearing the melody haunt me and feeling a muscular tug right through my ribcage, my viscera and down to the base of my spine. Apparently it is this raw sense of longing that gets me off the seat and producing something, sharing myself with the world.

And longing is your specialty, isn't it? Your superpower.

Well, you had me for another night. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow as well. Keep pulling, keep hooking me, keep dragging me. You're beginning to hook my mouth into something resembling a smile...

Affectionately yours,
Peliens