Alpha'ed

I wanted to be in bed 41 minutes ago. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

I revolt. I will make the embarrassing statement and say I wasted time playing Burrito Bison.

Oh, the shame.

But I can keep going. Blog for five minutes, too. There are worse ways to squander my time. And it was less than 2 hours. Could have been more of a drain.

It's been a tiring week, and I know exactly why I'm tired - wasting time and not going to bed.

Why, why, why do I need that distraction, the sweet alpha waves that seduce me into something that is mildly satisfying but ultimately unhealthy, unhelpful, and a little depressing? It satisfies some need I can't seem to get filled anywhere else.

Is it a symbol of an unbalanced life? I'm not sure.

Sam has asked me to focus on dreams again. It's going to be a little tricky, with zazen and running and no time to do anything in the morning. Hmm... it's that frustration of not having any time that seems to contribute to the alpha addiction. And here it is again. And yet, wasting time in alpha land just crunches me for time even more. Bad, bad cycle. I will try, though. I'm pulling out a notebook once I'm done here, and getting it ready beside my bed.

This is about the end of the time I have given myself. Good night, all. Wish me a better spent tomorrow.