Koans and other distractions

I'm going to engage in a 4 minute blitz, as I serioulsy 100% want to get to bed on time tonight.

I had a major conflict with zen today. I have been given a koan to work with: mu.

My original Zen teacher in Japan, Sato Joko, "raised me up" in the Shikan Taza tradition of his Soto school. That is, just sitting. You sit and sit and sit and sit and sit and maybe have a little enlightenment experience, but then you continue to sit and sit and sit and sit until you die. I really like that philosophy.

Koan practice is founded upon the notion that there are effective ways of thinking that can accelerate this process. I have 2 major problems with this.

One is the desire to accelerate the process. That's not what it's all about, is it? How can you be comfortable where you are, if you have this goal of accomplishing the koan practice? It seems to contradict the point of zen (to not have a point).

The other is almost the same thing, but slightly different. If you are having your mind focus on something, you are, by definition, trying to force out things that are not that something. This creates conflict and contradiction. Again, defeating the point of zazen, where you are learning how to not discriminate.

It is a complicated to-and-fro with these concepts, and what I have written is not the final word or even my final word. But the misgivings are there, and I wanted to set them down right now.

Good night, all.