Cold plunge

So "Penelope" sent me an e-mail this morning, and if I could do backflips, I seriously would have done a backflip. She suggested that we go to 10,000 Waves for our second date. Seriously? Not only do I love to bathe - I find this incredibly bold, in a good way. As if to imply that she is on the same page with me as to what meeting people should be like (naked, in water, obviously); loves this sort of activity as much as I do; and, most of all, is interested in me enough to want to spend time with me in such an intimate setting. I was ecstatic then; unfortunately, I could not remain ecstatic all day, since I had a lot of grueling work to do today; but I am ecstatic again right now.

I have a really good feeling about her. Really.

Ok, the glaring issue here. I'm just going to lay it out. I am aware of it. It goes like this: Alexa --> Person #2 --> Penelope. Where's all the space in between, for self development? Hmm? I can't really say. The first big thing here is that I have not dated nor will I date Person #2. So that's a big difference. In terms of actual dating, it would go Alexa --> Six months --> Penelope. But, of course, emotional attachment is really what counts. So what can I say?

I'm not sure. I'm not sure how it will all affect me. If I'm not ready, I'm not ready. The question is: can I all of a sudden be ready? I could be. I'm not sure. But Penelope is here, and she's interested in me, and she wants to take things slowly, and she wants to do things independently and not glob on to each other. That sounds about right to me. I know, at least, that I am interested in her. In fact, I am quite impressed and pleased with the notion that she exists; that she is who she is. I didn't know I could find someone like her.

I've been using every moment possible to grow in the past 6 months; it's been tremendous. I cannot end my attraction or interest in someone overnight, but I did mean it when I decided to end my beef with Person #2 two weeks ago. As far as I am concerned, she is a friend and colleague. The emotions are real, but the difference is that I was actively feeding into them before, and I am not now. I believe this kind of conscious decision can make monumental change happen in a fundamental way, no matter how slowly the change might take to come into effect.

I've got a lot of work to do with my life with Alexa, too. Nothing ever really stops. I hold on to these emotional connections; it's what I do.

I'm not going to stop growing, this time. That was one of the mistakes I made with Alexa - I got complacent. From now on, I am going to fight against my tendency to get complacent; I'm going to make the effort to maintain honesty at all costs. This was my New Year's resolution, to be radically honest, and I feel charged and ready for the task.

And I feel strongly that Penelope can give me the space to simultaneously be with her and work on these tasks. This is one of the things that seems so exceptional with her.

Great. All these emotional things. Now, if I could only be confident in stupider things, like my skill as a lover and the attractiveness of my body, I'd be set and ready for all this.

Just kidding (sort of).

Good night, all.