Many things; probably unified in some way

Note from yesterday: I forgot, Penelope has, in fact, eaten Vietnamese food, but she says she doesn't remember it very well. So it won't be the very first time, but it's still strange to her. You get the idea. But that's what we're doing this weekend. I'm going down to Albuquerque, where we go to Que Huong, see True Grit and spend some time outside, maybe walking along the Big River.

Side note, extra self-indulgent: the first time I had Vietnamese food was at a restaurant in Oshkosh, WI, which has become a big deal at the shelter, because of a strange, gigantic Catholic shelter called Father Carr's Place 2B that many people are talking about. I kind of liked going to Oshkosh back in the day; it's a nice little town. I have good memories of the aviation museum and of the town in general. It's about twice the size of Santa Fe. Far fewer homeless people, though, which keeps the enormous structure relatively empty.

I am getting psyched about the Sesshin next week. I finally met Henry, the teacher of the group I've been sticking around. My first impression is that he is very enthusiastic and energetic. He's excited about what he's doing and very excited to meet people who want to do the same. He gave a dharma talk, discussing the virtues of Zen. Such talks are almost always extremely helpful and extremely meaningless. I enjoyed it, but I found myself getting sleepy towards the end. After another sitting period I was called back to dokusan, which is a one-on-one interview with the teacher in a private chamber. (For those interested in zen geekdom: Dokusan is originally a Rinzai practice; this group follows the Sanbo Kyodan lineage, which borrows from both Soto - the school I was originally trained in - and Rinzai). You bow and then sit in front of the teacher, and the two of you talk. The way it worked, we both looked at each other square in the eyes the whole time. That is an interesting way to talk to someone. It was an intense, guru-like experience, similar to a big job interview or, really, like a first date. I won't list the details, but we basically talked about how I have been practicing Zen and how I plan to continue. I told him my practice is shikan taza - just sitting - and he said he would be happy to offer me space and support for this practice, but his specialty is in Koan practice (the "what is the sound of one hand clapping" thing). My opinion of koan practice is this: it would be very good for me, and I am, in fact, excited to try it, even for many years, but it is not ultimately my path, and I will go back to only shikan taza eventually. Of course, they are not contradictory; you can practice them at the same time. But I would be refocusing on shikan taza.

Henry told me he judges me fit to do the sesshin, and the best time to start my koan practice would be during the training period. So begin with koans I will. Wish me luck. Clap for me with one hand.

There is more going on in my life. Much, much more. My productivity at work / my feelings about my job are slowly growing into an "issue" - a thing to think about and consider and let change me. Also, my shaman circle was excellent last Monday; it reached a real strong emotional place. I experimented with a new way to journey, and it was chaotic but satisfying. Directly helpful for everything: I shut off my thinking mind and let go. It wasn't a perfect, majestic leap, but it was at least a hop in the right direction.

I am looking at going to bed at a reasonable time. I'm pleased. I feel no need to drain myself by scouring the internet for meaning tonight. This is a good thing. I'm going to brush my teeth, sit zazen again - I feel the need to, even after doing it this evening - then read some Rumi until I pass out happily.

Good night, all.