Designless

I am sleepy and content with my day, so far. Hopefully it will end just as peacefully.

I had a decent day at work; no real problems. It still feels a little uneasy, for me to be there, doing what I'm doing. I feel a little lost and inadequate, still. I am doing the best I can, though: doing the best not just in my tasks but in finding ways to feel better about myself. I was able to see a pretty big success today, which is worth reminding myself.

I am off any form of a diet plan right now. This is funny, because now my co-workers are used to me being wheat-free (I've been saying gluten-free, but really it was a wheat-free diet - similar but different). I will come back to a diet, maybe in a week. For now my plan is to go through as much of my existing food as possible. My doctor gave me some information about how to form my own plan; something very helpful and much more apt to build confidence than following an oracular, decalogian list of prescriptions and proscriptions. Though, in the end, as always, I'm left with everyone around me shouting their opinions with equal confidence. Yes, I am to be my own guide, but I don't have time to investigate everything - I just need to do what I can and trust the collections of advice that make the most sense. I do have a very good intuition about these types of things - I can tell almost instantly if a system of thought is decently consistent, conscientious and thorough. Tim's system rings a little hollow for me. There is a lot of good research and good intentions, but there are a lot of what I consider to be reckless views about how you should treat your body, and the whole thing is rushed. But no more about that.

I have my days stuffed with activities: tomorrow zazen; Thursday Radical Honesty; Friday Smokin' Bachi board meeting; Saturday Applebee's Charity Breakfast in the morning, and in the afternoon I go to ABQ to see Penelope. Sunday is free, then, though I will probably want to go for a run and do some cleaning or something like that.

I am left feeling that maybe I want to have more to talk about; but I am tired, it is late, and, in the end, there is nothing wrong with rolling around these simple thoughts about mundane things.

Good night, all.