This day

This day . . . if you saw my facebook status, I called it a bumper crop. I am still drinking it all in, as the clock is about to strike midnight.

Before I talk about today, I'm going to briefly mention yesterday: I went to Mountain Cloud for the evening sitting. It was nice. There was a potluck, and it was good, because I got to meet a few more of the regulars over there. I'm beginning to get the sense that people actually practice there. Chris's wife Susan led the sitting; I really like her. She is gentle and friendly. Though it is a little frustrating that I am probably less than half the age of the youngest person there, it is still good to be around such kind, open people. I will not be going tomorrow morning; I'm dedicating tomorrow to myself. But I will be visiting again next Wednesday. Hopefully the Wednesday group's teacher, Henry, will be there, so I can decide if it would be a good idea for me to join the Sesshin in 2.5 weeks. We'll see.

I had a late dinner, then slank into bed with my laptop and looked at failblog.org until I passed out. I woke up just before midnight and put my hands in a little prayer position, without really planning it or thinking why, thought really, really hard about how the calendar was changing from one year to the next, straining those facial muscles, then went to sleep.

So today. So today I drove to Albuquerque for 3 things: two meeting with okcupid connections, and, sandwiched in between, a sweatlodge (Temazcal) ceremony with the healing arts group Calpulli Teocalli Ollin, down in Los Lunas.

Today was magic.

I feel a little bit awkward about how I ended up having two dates on the same day. It was not a great idea. Looking back on it, I don't think it was that bad, but I will definitely try to avoid it in the future. I did try to avoid it, but this ended up being the schedule that worked. So it goes.

How did it all go? I know, I'm setting you all up for something, but I actually don't feel all that ready to talk about the details. I actually am feeling it would be inappropriate. Of course I've been thinking about what's appropriate for this blog and what's not in the past two weeks or so; and I need to feel my way through this a little more. As I maybe stated earlier, there are arguments on both sides: the need to be respectful of other people, even though they have entered my life and are therefore part of my experience; versus: the need to be honest about my experience, which includes the actions and words of other people. I am undecided at this point. I want to be unrelentingly honest; that is my goal; but I don't want this to be a gossip column, which it borders on in some entries.

What will I say, though?

I feel great. I feel light. I feel alive. I feel rich with experience and connections. I am grateful for what I am feeling now; I am a little anxious about how things will turn out in the future, i.e., what to expect. This is a good situation to be aware of when sitting down to zazen, which I will be getting to in a moment.

I will say: it's been a long, long time since I have needed to ground myself from positive expectations like this, that is, if there ever was a time. This is a big change for me, people.

(In case anyone is thinking about this, I want to make it clear that I don't think positive feelings are bad, just positive expectations - that is, unchecked hopefulness, fantasizing about this, planning that. This is about making the distinction between feeling what I'm feeling right now, sitting with it and letting it happen; between this and seeing eggs and immediately counting chickens.)

As always, if you want details (I am in a mood to gush) please contact me in real life. More ought to follow.

As for the Temazcal, I might write more tomorrow. I'm kinda tired right now and need to get to sitting before I pass out.

Good night and good new year.