Center of Gravity

I went contra dancing tonight - it's been a long time. It feels good for so many reasons. It's a deep, oceanic good feeling that tugs at my insides like an ebbing tide tugging at rocks and coral. It's raw sexuality - something I don't express nearly often enough.

It was good to go back into something familiar, something I am skilled at and can enjoy with little to no stress involved.

It was also good to observe how I have grown. Even though I am comfortable at these little functions, I have always ended up at the sidelines, often without a partner. Not tonight. I think this was the first time.

And there was something different about the way I danced. Something different inside. I can describe it as a stronger awareness of my sexuality. A tendency to really enjoy all my dance partners quite fully.

There were a couple partners, maybe even just one, where the bond felt particularly sexual. The dance didn't become a sexual encounter, nor do I ever expect it to (although I did meet my first girlfriend* at a contra dance), but I like feeling that open. It's like a musical note played along my spine.

I really love contra dancing for the quick and deep physical intimacy it allows, like no other form of dancing I have tried (and I've given a quite a few of them a fair chance). There is the sustained, steady eye contact, of course. All the hand holding and other standard postures and procedures.

But then there is the swing, where the two dancers give up their own individual centers of gravity and exchange it for a common one, in between them. This sounds kind of abstract, like a thin metaphor or even a scientific phenomenon, but, really, there is a profound, immediate feeling to it.

If you allow it. You really get to know someone physically. It is a lot like sex that way. Maybe your left brain cannot process everything into concrete thoughts, but in those 8 beats or so, you can sort of get an assessment of his or her whole body. You can sense their organs, by means of the weight and tilt they add to the swing. You gain a lot.

Really, it's a shame that it's not more popular. Or maybe it's not a shame. Maybe its lack of general popularity means the groups are smaller and tighter and more honest.

More common forms of dancing seem so cold, empty and distant to me. I honestly don't understand the appeal of most of the solo club dancing.

Salsa and swing, kind of make sense, but they have never worked. Probably worth exploring again, as my attitude toward my body changes.

But back to me feeling good tonight. That's where I am. Floating just a little bit.

Tomorrow I engage in my IT blackout, so no entry. We'll see how it goes. The only two things I really feel frustrated about are Python and fiction writing. I may or may not continue writing the story I've been working on, but, at the very least, I'll be writing a lot of notes and story outlines tomorrow.
Python I'll just have to accept. I need to spend more time during the week. I can probably slow down quite a bit with the homework catch up - I'm way ahead in class anyway.

So, with that, I drift into Sunday.

Dream well, all.

*Requires qualification I don't want to spend time on right now