Pressurefruit

So I may have a job, or not. They said they would call me by five with a definite answer, yes or no. So I go to sleep without any knowledge. Stressful? A little. I'm just confused, really. And...

I firmly believe that the thoroughly productive evening I had was largely due to this strange, insecure place. It's as if: only by doing the thing I've been feeling so much anxiety about - writing fiction - will I make it through this. Though that's not quite right: "make it through this." It's not a tragedy, and it hasn't felt like one. But I still feel it was just the right flavor of stress to push me toward having a good evening.

It feels kind of weird, being successful with my to-do lists. I am left with the knowledge that I got everything done (at least partly), but I really miss the feeling of having spent all day on one thing. It's more hard core, and it's more satisfying to feel like you've made 8-hours'-worth of progress on one thing than it is to look back on 1-hour's-worth of progress on 8 things (python, c++, reading, writing, website work, violin, accordion, job search - yep, that's 8. I guessed right). How can I make that happen? Modern life is so disposed to telling me that's impossible - unless I'm working for someone else. That's not right! Really, people become skilled in a craft and do good work without starving to death - though perhaps that period of risk really exposes your honest commitment to the work.

The reason why that can work, is because we're talking about "a" craft. I'm carry around at least 4 with me at all times. I see the value in focus - but I don't want to lose what I've started. Music, writing and coding are all valuable to me (even if coding is something I just recently resurrected). Maybe if I focus on just the three, it will be okay? There are a couple other things to pile in, but maybe they can wait on the back burner for a while (or at least only appear in small doses): foreign languages, electronics, sustainability / gardening. Hobbies, perhaps.

So life is full of possibilities. Good.

Dream well, all.