Day of 2007 - 14

Another too-late night when I need to wake up early. I'll get it at some point.

For now, I have too much to do. I didn't waste too much time tonight, unless you count all the online dating stuff I'm spending time with. And I'm not counting that.

So I went to the local zazen group that meets weekly at the UU church. It was good. I felt that maybe the priest who led it was a little too talkative; but it was fine; he was fine. He's kind of a goofy guy, and I can tell he knows that and doesn't mind. At the beginning I felt just a tiny pang of annoyance that he was talking to me and the other newcomer as if we had never done zazen before. By the end of the roughly 75-minute session, that did not bother me at all. It felt like just what I needed. I'm glad my little incident with Upaya has ended me up where I need to be.

I'd kind of like more socializing somehow; but I can figure that out later. For now, it's just something good for me.

So I've found a new way to spend my time well, in a group. In about 2 weeks I'll be going to my first meeting of a shamanism meetup group I found, too.

But zazen was really, really great. I just needed an extra boost; the extra experience of working on the practice with and in the presence of other people sent me to a new level of practice. What does that mean? A new level of accountability! I easily slip into day dreams. Kando asked us not to do so - so I tried not to do so. It really reminded me how much I've been letting slide in my individual practice. Not that my individual practice has been wasted for lack of focus - I have gotten really, really comfortable sitting, physically and mentally. This is not insignificant. It makes everything calmer; it means I can sort of cut to the chase right away without spending much time at all wondering about my posture or whether I can make it the whole time or not. It's just that I haven't been cutting to the chase - but when I decided to go ahead and do so tonight, I was incredibly ready, and I had one of the most open and aware sessions I've ever had.

Okay, enough - it's a good little victory but I'm not going to dwell on it much any more.

I don't know how 2007 fits in - indeed, I'm beginning to really feel like this project is an imposition. I'm much more interested in blogging about what happens day to day - day to day being something that's more exciting as time goes on. There's plenty to talk about - if I have the time to go deeper. I must recognize it's a good thing that I'm writing as much as I am, that I'm getting so comfortable with daily blogging. Hooray for me. I have the option to dig more if I want to.

I want to go to bed right now.

Good night.