Busy, busy. Tired, tired. No time, no time.
I want to say: I have no time for this blog. But I can keep logging in, keep checking in with it and just write a few lines, like I'm doing now. So I lapse a day. That's fine.
I feel really drained and empty tonight. This has been a theme the whole weekend. Supposedly, what this means is that old patterns are wearing extra-thin, and it would be a good idea for me to work through them.
If life is more mysterious than how I am leading it right now, then please, life, surround me in your mystery. I'm tired of running around and doing things and filling out forms, standing in line and not getting any real emotional payback. I know it is my responsibility; you get out what you put in. But life, you are me, so make me more open, make me more willing to connect.
Sorry to complain. It's just that I would do so much more, would be much more engaged, if I felt things more strongly. Be overwhelming. Don't give me a chance to ruin everything by standing aside and withholding myself. Please. Am I so powerful that I can turn away the whole world? Batter my heart.
That is all.
Good night.
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