What really counts

Man, am I tired. I woke up at 3 this morning so I could, first, do zazen, and, second, take Lizz to the airport. Since our vacations overlap, she gave me a spare key, and I'm going to drive her car to Airport Parking when I leave, and she's going to drive it home when she gets back next week. Then she will drive to ABQ to pick me up when I get back. Total number of days outside NM, between the two of us: 20. Total cost of parking: $5.62, plus tax. Brilliant. I think I'll top off her gas tank, to make it a little more even, because I am saving much more than she is, and her car might be driven more than mine (assuming she's driving her car to pick me up when I get back). Still brilliant.

Not so brilliant: New Mexico Rail Runner schedules. C'mon, guys, can you design a schedule so we can actually use the thing? I'm so eager to: I hate having to drive. I would use it all the time, if it were a viable choice for me. But it's not, so it's such a rarity that I have an opportunity. That is not useful public transportation.

So I am in that decrescendo mood right now, where my body feels a little heavier, reality is a little less sticky, and I just mainly want to go to bed, maybe watch some Arrested Development. Part of this has to do with the 2.25 mile run I did today; my longest yet. I think this is the longest I have ever run at this altitude. It was really rough, but I did it, and I feel pretty good. I don't feel completely wrecked, except for the blisters I received on my feet, because my running shoes suck. Something else I'll need to buy...

I want to say a little more about last night. Specifically about Luisa herself, as I teacher. I want to express how impressed I am with her, with what she does and how she teaches.

A little background, first. Santa Fe is a town that attracts a lot of people into all different kinds of alternative healing. I have a skeptical interest in a lot of these things; I think there is value in pursuing alternative ways of looking at physics, at the body, at the nature of reality, etc., but I tend to feel that many of the methodologies, as they are presented, are not adequately experimented with. There is too much blind faith in traditions of questionable origin. This is why shamanism appeals to me more than any other kind of "alternative" healing: it is very scientific in its attitude. Also, it places huge emphasis on individual experience - there are no rules set in stone to follow. Everything you get out of shamanic practice is precisely what you put into it.

So maybe you're not interested in talking about the "Upper World" or "Lower World," that's fine, that's your choice. Epistemologically, I see no difference between the worlds in shamanic journeying and in, say, an MMORPG like World of Warcraft. To designate one as real and one as fake is an arbitrary and, I think, ultimately inappropriate distinction. Whatever enters the realm of your experience is, by that fact, real. To call one thing more real than another might have practical use; for example, it's commonplace to call something more "real" when what you actually mean is that it's more important. But in terms of what reality is, there is nothing you can conceive that isn't real, because, by conceiving it or imagining it, it is now a real conception or image. Most people mean physically real, when they say real, and, as I said above, this is an arbitrary limitation on the word. There is nothing about physical reality that makes it more real than thoughts or fantasies; it's just that our culture puts more weight on it. I want to add: this is not to discount the notion that certain activities or perceptions aren't more important than others at certain times: that's another issue.

Anyway, so shamanism works for me in a way that most other activities lumped into the "New Age" category cannot even approach. And I think Luisa embodies this for me. She is very enthusiastic about what she does, and she is well-versed in its subtleties, its traditions, its lingo. She talks about the limits of human experience; she talks about intuition and energy - these are risky things, because it is difficult to get into the practice of using these terms and to stay grounded in the present moment. You can get lost in the idea of power that these ideas convey; get swept up in the hustle and bustle. But Luisa does not: she remains fully anchored in the moment. She is an excellent group leader: she insisted, very firmly but with no sense of aggression, that we make eye contact when passing a particular object around. And she followed up on it, checking to see that people weren't skirting her request. It was great. I have so much respect for that. It is an excellent use of the role of leader for a small group of people.

She was also tremendously focused on each participant (there were 8 of us, not counting her), and she brought tremendous compassion to each of us, aware of everyone. I guess if there is one thing I want to convey, it is that she is very, very present, and this was such a relief for me, after having known so many flakes out there in Santa Fe, who have good intentions about what they are doing, but they just can't get over the excitement of the ideas enough to really be there with the people in the room, to really make an effort to know who they are, to be aware of everyone's needs, to respect everyone's distance as individual people. This seems like it would be commonplace in a city like Santa Fe, but it is actually quite depressingly rare. I find that most of the time discussion of healing and consciousness and whatnot normally just turns into a jargon-ridden geekfest, where people try to out-nerd one another on how spiritual they are. Yes, I'm a little bitter.

Ok, back to positive things: Luisa brought presence and focus and real relation into the event last night, and I thank her for that, and I am really grateful to know someone who has made that a very immediate focus in her work as a healer. It's amazing.

With that, the end.

Good night.