Day of 2007 - 1

My next blogging project will have an historical focus - The year 2007. Particularly July - August, when it seemed that a lot changed for me emotionally. I want to try to pinpoint the issues that arose, what they did to me, and how they influence how I feel about myself and my life right now. I can already feel a little cringe inside of me - there is some stuff I would rather not talk about. But that also informs me that it might be good. I think I can handle being a little exposed in the fishbowl that is Blogger. It might take a little time. This is very personal stuff.

I'm going to pinpoint the 4 major moments that seem most significant to me when I think about this period of time.

1. My first serious argument with someone at the shelter: a woman threatened me, and I had to call the police.

2. The intense shame I felt during Julia Misawa's exercises at the Taiko Awakening the Spirit Conference that year, bringing me the closest I've ever been to a nervous breakdown.

3. Something I did when I visited Seattle in early August. I'm not going to describe it yet. There is nothing wrong about it, or even anything ultimately that shameful, it's just bizarre and completely secret, and I am reluctant to describe it. Probably the untouchableness of it means it is very significant.

4. Getting mono. 'Nuff said. That takes a lot out of everyone who gets it. Although: not 'nuff said. I'll be talking about it.

5. Corollary issues: getting pulled over for a broken headlight in October 2007, and then again in September 2008. I am still paranoid.

The feeling of exposure is rising in me - this stuff is kind of sore for me. And it is a good sign. I need to get this raw feeling out, flush out these issues and really engage them. 1, 4 and 5 are things I just need to work through. They have the least charge, when I sit here and write. Of course they are still significant in some way. Especially #5, which represents events, the effects of which flare up every time I drive.

I have no schedule tomorrow, but I am getting very sleepy. I ought to hit the sack for now.

Live well, all.