Let me try that again...

Ok, so disregard the last post.

I mean, I'm keeping it up for the sake of keeping it there and being honest about how what I think, what I feel and how it changes. But it's no longer what I mean to say about this situation.

I am not going to do this anymore. There has to be another way. I'm not going to hold on to this nonsense. It's not what I mean to do. I can do better than to set my mind churning about power struggles. It's stupid. Reaching out too easily is stupid, too, but I don't have to do that. I can just say what I feel and then keep whatever distance is most comfortable. But no more blockades and battlements. Enough of that.

A lot of what I have gone through with Sarah is complete bullshit, and I don't think she has completely grasped that. But she is a human being, too, and she cares about me. And I do care about her. This is what's most important. Whatever grandiose story I compose is up to me to master on my own time.

In the meantime, the real time, there can be a real connection, with no ideals, no resentment, no drama. That is what I want. This is the person I want to be.

Good night!