Day of Feeling 18

I kind of slipped into oblivion last night. It wasn't very good. I skipped evening meditation and this blog. I don't feel bad about skipping zazen; it was an omission, but I meditated more yesterday than I have in over a year. I skipped my evening session, however, and the evening session is something good in itself. It's not really about quantity.

If I want to start relaxing at around 5pm, it makes it really hard to come out of the (pleasant) downward slide. I guess I could make a point of doing what needs to get done before I realize that I am approaching the tiredness threshold. And it's not like I didn't realize what was happening - I made a point of taking my medicine and brushing my teeth before I began watching the office.

Or maybe it was plenty good that I slipped away. I've been very busy lately, and I deserve a bit of time off. I guess I just feel that there are better ways to relax; relaxation does not have to conflict so much with my commitments, etc.

I would make a vow here to do double duty blogging today, to make up for my omission yesterday, but, really, that's trying to erase the past. Yesterday was lost. I can continue to move forward with a little gash.

Reading a post on Robert Johnson / Jerry Ruhl's blog about Bhakti love, makes me want to write that letter to Robert I've been wanting to for years now. Well, it re-inspires me to do so, and it helps me put it in perspective. Of course what I am looking for in communicating with this man is Bhakti love. I think it would make a lot of sense if I framed it in that context. It would make it less embarrassing and confusing to write.

Still not so much non-intellectual approach to my feelings. I am going out to the country today with Matt and Elea. Maybe, lying by the side of the river, I can do some real work. Maybe it will be a good place to sit and reflect (non-intellectually)?

I feel a little detached from the project at the moment. But it's for a good reason: I feel very relaxed and ready for whatever. I don't feel a need to push myself in any direction.

There is a lot. There is a tremendous lot of things to focus on, to do. But this is right now. And of course, right now is the only place anything can be done.

Let it be a good day.