Day of Feeling 8

Today is a little bit of a lapse; tomorrow through Sunday will be, too.

I will be out of town, away from my computer and probably any computer where I can spend a decent amount of time. I will be blogging manually in my notebook, however. I guess I should be all formal and serious about it and transcribe what I write back onto the internet when I get back. Yes, I'll do that.

What I am feeling right now is stress, and the confusion of being insecure on the night of travels. If I think about it, my biggest concern is time. Making it to my flight on time. I guess I cut it a little bit close with the scheduling, but I'll be ok.

I'm taking a few moments to center myself...

What occupied my thoughts today were two things:

1. I've been doing too much thinking for these days of feeling. I am supposed to be using the blog to report, not to rely on it as the only activity. I'll need to do something. I think active imagination would be the simplest, most helpful thing; so I'll see if I have time to do that on my trip.

2. Self-esteem. What does that actually mean? How do you turn it on and off? I really don't understand self-esteem. Sometimes I think I have it, sometimes it seems I don't have it. I'm sure there's some helpful literature on this subject. But self-esteem has everything to do with feeling, and why I wanted to devote this month to feeling. It's like the core that arranges feelings, or something like that. A pattern, a cohesiveness of feeling, a strong identity. People who have low self-esteem seek their identity from other people. Low self-esteem isn't just the absence of something in you, like a car on an empty tank. It's an activity that has a unique character separate from high self-esteem.

Anyway, I've used up all my time. Something to think about. I'm glad I took the time to write it all down.

Good night, feeling fans.